WHAT SHOULD BE THE MINDSET OF A STUDENT BEFORE ENTERING COLLEGE LIFE AND HOW SHOULD PARENTS TREAT/HANDLE THEIR CHILDREN DURING THIS STAGE?
A child who is getting into a college from school is at the peak of his adolescence. An adolescent has the characteristics of both an adult and a child. They are in a period of transition from a child to an adult. Physically they are an adult and mentally still they have the residue of a child.
The first time this combination of adult and a child is going to face the society for the first time. Till then they were under a very protected environment provided by the parent and the school. A college is a place where they will be treated as adults. From learning to making friends they have to do it on their own. The deadly combination of a child and an adult plays a major role in this.
When they enter into college life they might feel lonely if they are in a new environment and excited if they are continuing their old friendship. In the first case, to protect themselves from the loneliness they may go for friendship randomly. They won’t be aware of their level of frequency with them. There is a possibility that they may get succumbed to pressure to maintain their friendship. In the second case with their old friends in a new place will be excited that they may try to explore new things. Risk-taking behaviour will be predominant during this phase of life.
Speaking about the approach by Parents:
- You need to understand that your son/daughter is not a child anymore.
- This is the first chance they are getting to have their choices, take decisions and to be free.
- There are chances that they may take the wrong decisions.
- They may not be willing to share things with you. They will like to have secrets.
- They will believe that they are adults and they are right, at the same time the child in them will confuse them about their decisions.
- They will need your help but they will hesitate to ask you.
- They will have a secret love for you but the external behaviour will be different, like they may express too much anger and argue with you. Sometimes they may verbally offend you.
To understand them may be a bit difficult, but they require parental support until they grow up into a full adult, which they will attain only after the age of 20.
During this phase parental support should not be given directly, they don’t like to be treated like a child. They will expect you to treat them like adults.
In short, they will expect you to be friendly with them.
But remember they want the parents to be friendly, not as friends. Most of the parents make the mistake of being their friends, where they will not get a chance to correct them if they go deviant. About education, this is a period where their intellectual capacity will be at the peak. They will be able to grasp abstract concepts easily. But since they are undergoing a stressful period till class 12, in the first year of college their perspective towards academics will be less towards scoring.
And if the parents are going to put pressure on scoring, there is a possibility that they may rebel as they are with a mixed group of friends and no personal attention from the teachers. In such a situation parents should mellow down and tell them that this is the time for their enjoyment of their college life but at the same time they should set a standard of scoring concerning academics. If the parents could
control their anxiety and go along with their children in a friendly manner, they will feel supported.
To Summarise,
With Parents: When your child was in school they needed your support – a third-hand help to walk through their decisions. But when they enter college, their mind behaves like a swing sometimes like a child and sometimes like an adult. During this period, all you need to do is guide them when they are in need and not when you think they need you.
For Students: Sometimes we are too much indulged in minor issues that we leave out on noticing the major ones. Think your college life as a former and your marks as latter because at the end of the day you are going to be treated as adults in college and you are indeed going to become one. So, why feel afraid about what’s not even there yet. Just be focused on what you are doing. Colleges and marks don’t decide your future, but your hardwork and smart work does.